Imperfection
by Ditey
Summary: Colin's that person. Or he should be. But he's not.


Tres important notice! Ivy, also known as singcraz around here on ff.net, and I, have decided to put together, the first annual Everwood Escapades? What are the Everwood Escapades, you ask. It's a highly prestigious award given to only la creme de la creme of the Everwood fanfiction community, say I. For more information on this wonderful, wonderful event, check out http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/everwood_escapades/, and bookmark it, because there's always new things being added. Good luck, and I highly reccomend you visit it. :)  
  
Anyway. Back to the Author's Note of the story. It's actually quite short, really.  
  
This is what happens when you spend four days in journalism camp. Review nonetheless.  
  
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Ephram has been thinking a lot lately, and he wishes he would stop it. But he's alone in a waiting room of a hospital, with silence enough to make him scream, and it seems his only refuge was in his head.   
  
Well, actually, he isn't alone. Amy is a few feets away, but she is silent enough to be ignored. Ephram gave up trying to talk to her hours ago, when he realized her answers were all one-word and monotone. She's tucked away in a corner of the room, playing with a piece of paper in her hand and staring at the floor. Blonde cascades obscuring her face, her face with those beautiful eyes...  
  
Yes, a part of Ephram is still in love with her. Still. Ephram has found once he became infatuated with her, it was hard to stop. He can't even remember what it was like not to love her, admire her bright eyes or dream of her glossed lips. Not to have a thumping sensation in his chest, or his mind blank when she walked toward him.   
  
Amy sighs a melancholy sigh, her eye still fixtated below, and Ephram finds himself watching her out of the corner of his eye.   
  
Meanwhile, his best friend is under the knife a few rooms away. Meanwhile, Ephram lusts after his girlfriend.  
  
Everything about it is wrong. It's wrong, manipulative, and sordid. Story of his life.  
  
Colin's not as strong as he makes himself out to be, he can't help but think. He needs someone. Colin needs Amy. Amy needs Colin. It should work out perfectly. But it doesn't. It's so much more complicated than that equation.   
  
Colin needs someone to talk to about being Colin the Second, about something other than therapy sessions and 'are you sure you can do that by yourself?'s, and someone to tell that though everyone says he loves Rocky Road, he's found himself in love with cookies and cream.  
  
So that he can tell someone, and not the entire world by impacting his fist into glass.  
  
Amy's that person. Or she should be.   
  
That's not a perfect equation, either.  
  
There are things Colin tells Ephram, that he hasn't told anyone. Anything from little pieces of memories he could recover, to journal-worthy feelings. Days after school while studing that Colin tells Ephram how no one understands, and he may nod at Bright and Amy while they're talking, but it seems like they're speaking another language that he doesn't understand, but Colin the First did.  
  
And suddenly, Ephram's become that person.   
  
Amy's not as okay with it as she makes herself out to be. Sure, she'll always have basketball games and Friday night raves, and first, second, third kisses with Colin. But, really, she feels poisoned, slowly dying from within.   
  
She can pretend not to be jealous when the two of them run off together after every period, for Colin to call Ephram in the middle of their dates, to seem alienated from everything. Colin, who she loves.  
  
And she can be patient, build everything from scratch and live with the mistakes they both have made. She can watch Colin hate football and rock music and the lake they used to spend their summers, and become addicted to the computer and comic books, swing music and Clint Eastwood.  
  
No, actually, she can't.  
  
She needs someone to just sit next to and understand without saying anything, and when they do talk, she needs to feel alive and like they've known each other their entire lives, and when she learns something new about him, she needs to want to smile and be glad she had discovered it.  
  
So that she won't have so many awful things to write about it in her diary, and a person to take its place.   
  
Colin's that person. Or he should be.  
  
But he's not.  
  
More imperfections.  
  
She can't tell anyone how much she treasured those first few months with Ephram. There was so much on her mind that she couldn't possibly even begin to explain, but he just understood. He understood the moment he saw her, and since, he's been the only reason she isn't in an asylum. Those days after ballet practice, they'd both linger around school and talk about everything. Their wacky doctor-parents to what she would say when Colin would wake up. They'd talk about miracles and love and commitment, and no matter how much she doubted herself, he'd always say the same thing, that sometimes, people are worth the wait.  
  
And, suddenly, Ephram was that person.  
  
She can't possibly say how much she loved him during that time when there was no Colin and he was still in the hospital, that close to dying, and everyone wanted her to move on...more awful thoughts. She'd have to write about it in her diary.  
  
Amy is a few feet away from Ephram, and he can hear her begin to cry. He wants to get up the moment he hears her sniffle, offer her a shoulder and talk, like they used to. But he still doesn't move from the hospital waiting room chair he's in.   
  
Ephram can almost feel himself start to cry. But he doesn't. There's a tear so close to rolling down his face, but it doesn't. And he tricks himself into believing that anything can happen if he still has hopes. If he still believes there's a chance.  
  
He's not very good at calming himself down. Ephram is more of an instigator, to stir up emotions and lead the world into revolution. He's not good at sitting down and repeating mantras, 'I don't love Amy, I don't love Amy,' or, 'I don't need anyone, I don't need anyone.'  
  
Or, 'Colin's going to be okay, he's going to be okay.'  
  
Ephram's tried the equation on himself. Ephram's not as nonchalant as he seems to be. No matter if being tragic and depressed is 'in' or not, there's more to him that that. He feels so bottled up, pushed into being a rebel without a cause that likes stupid punk music and emo, and dye his hair bizzare colors, find P.E degrading, and restrict his wardrobe to black.  
  
There are things he hasn't told anyone. These stupid feelings, like the ones he's having right now. Stupid feelings about guilt, lust, anger, remorse. How things are changing, whether he wants them to or not, and he feels like there's no control in anything anymore.  
  
He should tell someone, anyone. His dad, sister, his best friend, his unrequited love, even a damn guidance counselor.   
  
But he doesn't.  
  
***  
  
Before he's aware of how long it's been, he hears Amy's voice in his ear, bringing him to his senses and allowing himself to experience those he never knew.  
  
"Ephram." It's not a question, more of a plea, a calling. Like she had realized he was there for the very first time.  
  
He gets up for the first time in hours, and ignores his pins and needles legs when approaching her. She's shaking her head softly, and alternating looks from the hospital wing door and the floor, unable to meet his eyes. And Ephram is still waiting there, his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Amy."  
  
A quick glance up reveals rich eyes glazed with tears.   
  
'Colin's going to be okay, he's going to be okay..' Damnit, mantra, work. Ephram repeats it so loud in his head, he almost thinks he's saying it out loud.  
  
"Colin's..."  
  
"Colin's dead."   
  
It's not supposed to be like this. This can't happen.  
  
And it's Amy steps forward toward him and struggles to find solace in his embrace. Ephram can't do anything but rest his head on hers, and feel her break in his arms.  
  
And feel himself crumble.  
  
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Now, go do what you have to do! And for those with short-term memories, that would be:  
  
1) Review this story  
  
2) Check out the Escapades!  
  
That is all. 


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